i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
