I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
