pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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