I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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