All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
