Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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