So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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