I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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