One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
