it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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