Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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