I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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