All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
