I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
