Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
