i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Define "chronic" masturbator.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
