i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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