For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
