Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
