Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
