If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
