If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
