Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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