Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
