..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
