Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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