I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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