My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
