after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
