4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
420 ftw
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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