Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
