You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
