I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
