is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
