Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
