i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
