I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His nipple licking is glorious
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