Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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