I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
