My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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