Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
