ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
