Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
