I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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