After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
