Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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