I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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