she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
