So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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