guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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