i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
