Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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