Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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