Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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