I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize