Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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