Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
