at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
