I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
