Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
