im holly from the hills drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
