Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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