just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
