I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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