Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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