between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
