I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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