I think im going to throw up on grandma
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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