i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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