I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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