so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
