During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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