I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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