The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
