Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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