Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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