dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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