ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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