Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
