im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
