Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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