my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
