I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
