i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
