how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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