i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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