I accidentally burped into my bong.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
