grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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