I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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