My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
